Dari Al-Imam al-Muwaffaq Muhammad as-Safarainy rahimahullah
“فاغتنم رحمك الله حياتك النَّفيسة، واحتفظ بأوقاتك العزيزة، واعلم أن مدَّة حياتِك محدودةٌ، وأنفاسك معدودةٌ، فكلُّ نفسٍ ينقص به جزء منك
Manfaatkanlah -semoga Allah merahmatimu- hidupmu yang berharga, jagalah sebaik-baiknya waktumu yang mahal, dan ketahuilah bahwa masa hidupmu terbatas, nafas-nafasmu bisa dihitung, jadi setiap nafasmu akan mengurangi bagian dirimu.
والعمر كله قصير، والباقي منه هو اليسير، وكل جزءٍ منه جوهرةٌ نفيسةٌ لا عدل لها، ولا خُلف منها، فإنَّ بهذه الحياة اليسيرة خلودُ الأبد في النَّعيم، أو العذاب الأليم
Umur semuanya pendek, yang tersisa darinya sedikit, dan setiap bagian darinya merupakan permata yang sangat berharga yang tidak ada bandingannya dan tidak tergantikan, karena dengan hidup yang pendek ini akan diraih kekekalan abadi dalam kenikmatan atau adzab yang pedih.
وإذا عادلتَ هذه الحياة بخلود الأبد علمتَ أنَّ كلَّ نَفَسٍ يعدلُ أكثر من ألف ألف ألف عام في نعيم لا خطر له، أو خلاف ذلك، وما كان هكذا فلا قيمة له
Dan jika engkau membandingkan kehidupan ini dengan kekekalan abadi, engkau akan mengetahui bahwa bahwa setiap nafas sebanding dengan seribu ribu ribu tahun dalam kenikmatan yang tidak pernah terbayangkan, atau sebaliknya (dalam adzab -pent), dan apa yang keadaannya seperti ini maka tidak ada harganya.
فلا تُضَيِّع جواهرَ عُمركَ النَّفيسة بغير عملٍ، ولا تذهبهَا بغير عوضٍ، واجتهد أن لا يخلو نَفسٌ من أنفاسك إلاَّ في عَمَلِ طاعةٍ أو قربةٍ تتقرب بها
Maka jangan engkau sia-siakan permata umurmu yang sangat berharga tanpa amal, jangan habiskan tanpa pengganti, dan bersungguh-sungguhlah jangan sampai satu nafas dari nafas-nafasmu kosong kecuali dalam ketaatan atau apa saja yang dengannya engkau mendekatkan diri kepada Allah.
فإنَّك لو كانت معك جوهرةٌ من جواهر الدُّنيا لَسَاءَكَ ذهابها فكيف تُفَرِّطُ في ساعاتك وأوقاتك، وكيف لا تحزن على عُمرك الذَّاهب بغير عوض
Karena sungguh seandainya engkau memiliki sebuah permata dari permata-permata dunia, pasti kehilangannya akan membuatmu sangat bersedih, maka bagaimana engkau menyia-nyiakan saat-saat dan waktu-waktumu, dan bagaimana engkau tidak bersedih terhadap umurmu yang berlalu tanpa pengganti.
LDL, is called bad cholesterol because the fact that it’s a vehicle by which cholesterol is deposited into our arteries. Autopsies of thousands of young accident victims have shown that the level of cholesterol in the blood was closely correlated with the amount of atherosclerosis in their arteries.
How to drastically reduce bad cholesterol?
In order drastically reduce LDL cholesterol levels, you need to drastically reduce your intake of three things
Trans fat – which comes from processed foods and naturally from meat and dairy;
Saturated fat – found mainly in animal products and junk foods
Dietary cholesterol – found exclusively in animal-derived foods, especially eggs.
(Almost) All comes from animal based products/food. Certainly a case for vegan diets.
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Browsing thru my old journals and found this gem. Hopefully, it would remind me and anyone else interested on how to manage conflicts. My experience in the past tend to make me very “flammable” and confrontational. But the ‘fire’ can be use for good, if I know how to control it.
1. Acknowledge the Conflict
If you have a problem, but you don’t know you have a problem, is a much bigger problem. The same goes to conflict. For example, I have a problem when dealing with fools, most of the time, I tend to let go. One of my colleague once feared that I might have a heart attack.
If you do not accept that a dispute exists, you risk letting it grow more severe. You can question yourself to see if you have accepted the existence of a conflict.
In order to find out if you do have a conflict, try asking yourself these question –
Do you find yourself worrying about the situation at night?
Do you find yourself seeking to avoid someone?
Do you find yourself gossiping about that person?
If you find yourself answering yes to any of these questions, you could be embroiled in a conflict. It also important to know just knowing that you’re in conflict doesn’t mean that you need to solve it immediately. Solving conflict would require courage, therefore, we need to respond in a mature way. Time your response well.
Oh yes. There’s also “internal conflicts”. This might be a struggle for us everyday. For example, young people have aspirations for their lives. However, in time, these objectives can seem unrealistic because they conflict with demands such as earning money and supporting a family. This generates internal conflict. When you encounter a problem in the outside world, your internal conflicts can surface and determine how you respond. Once you begin to understand your own conflicts you can make more sensible decisions.
2. Take Control of Your Response
When you feel emotionally overwhelmed, try to control your reactions, especially if they begin to lead you in a harmful direction.
Take a step back, and breath. Take a deep breath in, hold for 7 seconds, and the release it slowly. Repeat for 3 times. That what I did, and it work for me. Although, there’s one problem with that technique, my friends tend to notice it.
Most people react instinctively and that typically means that they do not think through how they respond. And that may mean they will not act sensibly.
So, if you decide to take action in your conflict, think clearly about what confronts you, your emotional predilections and the choices before you. First take a break. This gives you a moment to evaluate your position and decide how to act.
In Eric Berne’s book, Games People Play, he sets out his ideas about “transactional analysis.” He describes the “ego states” of “parent, adult and child” that people pass through in dealing with others. If you can move into an adult state in a conflict you can see its issues in context and make the most thoughtful choices. But, simple breathing technique before is easier to me.
If you have any other technique which could help, please do share 🙂
3. Apply the Resolution Framework for Difficult Conversations
Sound complicated, but it kind of simple actually.
Take these steps for your communication during a conflict:
“Manage your physical and emotional response” – By focusing on your bodily feelings, you can manage the situation you encounter advantageously. Listen to your breath and heartbeat. Breathe slowly to calm your body.
“Write down your initial fears, wants and needs” – If you write down your apprehensions about a situation you reduce the need to discuss it with anyone else.
“Change perspectives and see the bigger picture” – To deal with a difficult situation, accept responsibility for how you act and respond. That means accepting the consequences of your actions, so consider how you might act and what consequences your actions might provoke.
“Get your facts straight” – Prepare yourself with correct information so you do not err when you enter into a conversation. Make sure your emotions don’t lead you to distort the facts of the situation.
“Identify and think through outcomes and options” – A challenging situation could open up new territory. Think through the options that await you and the other person.
“The most effective agreements are generally those that have been carefully constructed rather than imposed.”
You never know what you will encounter in a conversation. In the second stage of applying the resolution framework, practice expansive listening to make sure that you give the other person a chance to speak before rushing to premature judgment. I typically use the 30-seconds rule, I gave them at least 30-seconds to explain themselves before interrupting.
Use “summarizing and paraphrasing techniques” to clarify the situation. This means saying back to other people in your own words what you think they just said. Then, if you misunderstood, you give them a chance to clarify. This also demonstrates that you are paying attention.
You can also attempt “reframing.” Try to present the situation using a new perspective. Inevitably, your own values could influence how you reframe. However, those who are listening will know if you distort what they intend to say. Go beyond listening and heed the words people use. Watch their body language and whether they seem uncomfortable about certain subjects. Give them time to reveal whatever is on their minds.
4. Manage the Resolution – the Soft Mediation Assignment
You can act as a “resolution agent” in situations where the conflicting sides have not become unwilling. A resolution agent undertakes many of the same activities as a conflict coach or a mediator. Unlike other roles in conflict resolutions, the resolution agent has an interest in helping the conflicting sides come to an agreement.
The resolution agent needs to construct an environment in which the opposing sides can trust each other and the resolution agent.
“When we are empathizing with someone else’s feelings it is much harder to feel like a victim to them. They stop being a tyrant and become a human being.”
Deliver a speech to the discordant parties that sets out your approach. Explain your perspective and reinforce your neutrality. Set out the options you see so the parties to the conflict know what to expect from you. Help them set boundaries, set an agenda and arrange joint meetings. Help create “SMART agreements,” which are “Specific, Measurable, Agreed, Realistic and Time-bound.” The parties will then subscribe to the agreements rather than accept terms under duress.
5. Build a Culture of Early Conflict Resolution
Context is very important. Out of context statement can make a political party to win or lose an election. Ahmed Deedat used to ask, “what’s the context?”, and I tend to do as well, I find it to be very helpful to understand the full picture.
So, create a context in which people can accept their role in a conflict and use the situation to educate themselves. With this approach, you can add versatility and efficiency to your firm and reduce emotional and legal conflicts. Implementing such an approach calls for organizational culture change. It means adopting new ways of thinking and new processes.
This takes time and generates resistance.
6. Walk the Walk
Or is it “Walk the Talk”. Not sure anymore. My handwriting could be terrible at times.
As you learn more about conflict resolution, consider how you deal with conflict in daily life.First you can become conscious of conflict, then you can acknowledge it and then you can act to resolve it. Encourage your colleagues to learn to manage conflict resolution as a way of strengthening their leadership skills.
7. Engage the Safety Net
You may encounter situations where “informal conflict resolution” doesn’t work. Evaluate your options before you act. Get the best legal advice about the strength of your position. Consult with subject matter experts. Reevaluate your business objectives. You might decide to take legal action to reinforce the impression that you plan to take a tough position.
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Especially when or before your graduation day. Because if you think that you’ll have more time and energy to reflect later, you’re wrong, life only gets more demanding.
Having a clear purpose in life is essential, if you doesn’t want to be “lost”. If we failed to figure out our purpose in life, we most likely to just sail off without a rudder and get buffered in the very rough seas of life.
The choice and successful pursuit of a profession is but one tool for achieving our purpose, but without purpose, life can become hollow.
Limited resources doesn’t have to be a show stopper. But might be a learning curve to expand our resourcefulness.
Our decisions about allocating our personal time, energy, and talent ultimately shape of our life. Muslims believe that we will be questioned about on the day of judgment, how we used our time, resource, and talents.
5 QUESTIONS ASKED ON JUDGMENT DAY
How you live your life on Earth?
How you utilized your youth?
How you earned your wealth?
How you spent your wealth?
What you did with your knowledge?
We all have a bunch of “business” that will compete for these resources, individually speaking, we all have families, community, career and so on. And we exactly has the same problem as any corporation does. We have limited amount of time and energy and talent.
Our “business” decision is to decide how much do I devote to each of these pursuits?
And in life, its easy to get carried off with the flow. And the flow, might not be as per our priorities. These decision will make our life to turn out to be different from what we intended.
So, it’s important to have our priorities straighten out. It make it easier to commit to an unexpected opportunities when one arises. Or take a step back when the outcome is bad and we need to reinvest our resources.
Another worthwhile note is that if you study the root causes of business disasters, over and over again we’ll find this predisposition towards endeavors that offers immediate gratification. And if we look at personal lives through that lens, you’ll see the same stunning and sobering pattern, people allocating fewer and fewer resources to the things they said mattered most.
(Personal Note: Delayed gratification is a mindset and skills which could be hard to learn but would be beneficial in the long run).
Remember the Importance of Humility
One characteristic of these humble people stood out, they level of self-esteem. They knew who they were, and they felt good about who they were. We also decided that humility was defined not by self-deprecating behavior or attitudes but by the esteem with which you regard others. Good behavior flows naturally from that kind of humility.
It’s crucial to take a sense of humility into the world. And if your attitude is that only smarter people have something to teach you, your learning opportunities will be very limited. But if you have a humble eagerness to learn from everybody, your learning opportunities will be unlimited.
Generally, you can be humble only if you feel really good about yourself and you want to help those around you feel really good about themselves too.
When we see people acting in an abusive, arrogant, or demeaning manner towards others, their behavior almost always is a symptom of their lack of self-esteem. They need to put someone else down to feel good about themselves.
We all know that finding a mentor is valuable. But, the odds that we actually have one is pretty rare. Besides, the only time we likely to get a mentor was when screw something up pretty bad. I was once had a mentor when my grade went down the drain (since I was way too focus on my business), my university appointed one of the professors to be my “mentor”. What I remembered was, my mentor said, “You need to awaken the giant genius” since I went from A students to C/D students. This I would engraved on my memories ever since.
Although in the hindsight, the skills I learned from my side-hustle during that time was great, but I truly cost me my CGPA. Nonetheless, no regrets there. I was still awesome 🙂 And as Daniel Kahneman would suggest, I would have done the same if I could do it again. Although it might be a futile effort to justify my own action.
Napoleon Hills would suggest or recommend we create our own mastermind groups, which are a curated mix of peers who met regularly to discuss professional challenges and actually hold one another accountable. However, I would prefer a much less formal arrangement, which sometimes called a mentor board of directors, or a personal boards of directors. Napoleon Hills also suggest for a imaginary boards, which I also have one, but most of the time, I vetoed the votes.
A tribe of mentors, or a group of mentors is much better. Imagine, all the individuals you look up best criteria all mixed into one complete package. This is a great way to create an ideal future you. Besides, this also allows you to look beyond the classic notion of a mentor as someone who is older and wiser than us.
In fact, mentors can be our juniors. That’s only if our ego would allows us.
What specifically do you want to learn?
The first step is a rigorous self-assessment. Ask yourself, what skills do you need to get there? Who is the best at the skills you need?
For example, if you intend to move up the management ranks, finding a mentor with great delegation skills or the ability to build relationships with difficult employees could be valuable.
And don’t forget about personal qualities in addition to tactical skills. Biggest game changer for you professionally may be cultivating more patience or more humility.
In my case, I intend to develop my humility and patience. Might be wise to start a daily log. More into that later.
Make it reciprocal !
In order to make any relation works, it must be reciprocal. And as true to any relationship, the same should be applicable to mentorship as well. The rule is simple, make yourself valuable in return. When you’re new or just starting up, the only valuable things you might be able to offer is hard works and preparedness. And this you can do without any costs.
Now, professional success requires a cocktails of skills, knowledge, and abilities, more than we could ever hope to learn on our own. That’s why mentors who can help us improve are so critical.
So, keep your eyes on the horizon for one. And keep on improving.
Oh yes, before I forget, if you’re interested to learn more on this, buy Tim Ferris’s book, Tribe of Mentor.
If a man is able by his nature to refrain from ill-conduct, he is by nature is called patient.
However, if one acquires patience from sufferings and personal training, he could be said to have been patient by acquisition.
Prophet Muhammad SAW said,
“Whoever trains himself to be patient, Allah will help him to be patient.”
Similarly, anyone can train himself (or trained by others) to acquire any other good characteristics like chastity, or good character. This means that whoever continues doing something habitually, these habits will lead him to incorporate this particular habits into his nature.
We are able to learn and acquire new traits. And the traits or characteristic that we acquires may be deep-rooted or superficial to our personality according to the extend of our acquisition. Regardless, this might lead to the term, fake it till we make it.
The stronger and longer we work on acquiring a trait, the more natural said trait will be to us. So, istiqamah , or constant striving is required.
Never give up, just do it, consistently.
And if you failed, and times you will, just try again. #nevergiveup
In 2008, the US economy came under enormous stress. Latest in the long list of economic recession.
Howard Schultz, the founder of Starbucks, did what most other executives did and that means he cut costs. He also did something most other executives did not, he traveled around the United States to meet his company’s customers. Schultz set out to discover how Starbucks could do a better job of satisfying its customers.
His actions exemplify extraordinary massive action. Starbucks sells something customers want but don’t need, especially in tough times. But because it satisfies its clientele, Starbucks thrives. Clue, it’s in the simple details, on how the customer service works, how fast the service are, it’s location. So, people might ignore the fact that don’t actually need it, ignore the so called the ‘latte factor’, which makes millions of us never reaches the millionaire status. (maybe more into that later).
In order to achieve excellence, consider this. Most workers in the United States read about one book a year (lots of them didn’t even bother to read at all) and work fewer than 40 hours a week, Elon Musk claimed he works over 100+ hours per week, now consider that. Therefore, as the stats would suggest, they make about 300% less than senior executives who read more than 60 books a year.
Most people often criticize the salaries of highly paid executives, but such critics discount how hard a well-paid CEO must work.
“Disciplined, consistent, and persistent actions are more of a determining factor in the creation of success than any other combination of things.”
“Fear is actually a sign that you are doing what’s needed to move in the right direction.”