A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want
The legendary relationships guide that mothers recommend to their daughters, friends give as gifts and brothers steal from their sisters, MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS is inarguably the definitive book on having a happy relationship.
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Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus — Book Review
The book starts with a novel like introduction which goes like this.
One day long ago the Martians, looking through their telescopes accidentally discovered the Venusians. They fell in love and quickly invented space travel and flew to Venus. There, the Venusians welcomed them with open arms. They decided to fly to Earth.
In the beginning, everything was wonderful, everything was beautiful. But for some reason, they were afflicted with amnesia. The effect? They forget that they were from different planets and were supposed to be different. Hence, this “difference” lead to conflict.
As funny as the narrative might goes, it still does the job of explaining the conflict between gender. Men and women aren’t alike. We were made different, but to complement each other like two-part make a whole.
But why the conflict?
✘ It’s simple, we simply expect the opposite sex to be more like ourselves. We want them to “want what we want” and “feel the way we feel.”
✘ We assume since they love us, they should react and behave in certain ways. That certain way is referring to the way we ourselves react and behave in a similar situation.
✘ We forget that we are supposed to be different.
Hence, recognizing and respecting these differences is crucial in reducing confusion when dealing with the opposite sex. Without clear awareness of our differences, friction would continue, and this might lead to a destructive fire. When I said fire, I meant we might become demanding, resentful, judgmental instead of tolerant, respectful, understanding or even caring.
Therefore, it is important to keep in mind that men and women are inherently different in nature (not in capability, competency). We need to appreciate these differences, and cease expecting each other to act and feel the way we do.
Mr Fix-It & the Home Improvement Committee
✔ Men love to have their abilities recognized and appreciated. Men hate to have their ability to scorned or ignored.
✔ Men don’t rate feelings highly as they believe it might lead to hotly impassioned and unstable behaviour.
✔ Men love to work on their own and exercise their abilities by solving problems personally and quickly.
✔ Men value solutions, take pride in them. Hence viewing unsolicited assistance as undermining their effort to solve problems alone.
✔ Men desire their solution to be appreciated.
✔ Women love to have their feeling recognized and appreciated. Women hate to have their ability to scorned or ignored
✔ Women don’t rate abilities highly as in their view, they can result in dispassionate, aggressive and competitive behaviour.
✔ Women prefer to co-operate and exercise their feelings through interactive communication with one another.
✔ Women value assistance and view unsolicited solutions as undermining their effort to proceed interactively.
✔ Women desire that their assistance to be appreciated.
I loves my cave but my wife hates them
Men feel better by solving problems, women feel better by talking about their problem. Men, like me, we go to our caves to feel better. Women, on the other hand, women get together and openly talk about their problem.
Women like to talk about their problem because they are not ashamed of having them. Their egos are not dependent on looking competent but rather on being a loving relationship.
Men, when faced with a tough problem, we tend to be quiet while we working on them. Since we believe we need to find the best solution ourselves. Women on the other hand women talk about their problem to work out the best solution to their problem that others had to offer.
How to motivate each sex?
Men need to feel that their attention is needed and women need to feel that their needs are attended. Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed and women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.
Discrepancy in Speaking
Men talk in very literal terms to relay information while women use artistic license and dramatic vocabulary to fully express and relate their feelings. Understand this and we will reduce potential conflict.
Remember that men feel validated and gratified when they are left to sort things out by themselves and feel undermined by being offered sympathy or unsolicited assistance. Meanwhile, women feel validated when validated and gratified by being offered sympathy or assistance, and feel undermined when they are to sort things out by themselves.
Men are like rubber bands
At times, men will retreat into themselves, women meanwhile should assist their partners by not being overly concerned or take it personally. Don’t try to drag their partners back from their caves prematurely.
Women are like waves
At the times when women sink into themselves, men should resist the temptation to try to lift their partners back up prematurely or never criticize. If I learned anything from “How to Win Friends and Influence People“, criticism never ever will work.
For more details
Please read the book, if you have any intention of getting married.
There a talk on happy marriage by Sheikh Hassan Ali which immensely similar to the content of “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus”.
It is simple yet beautifully explained.