How to express our anger usefully?

NVC can help express our anger usefully.

First, we need to sever the link between other people and our anger because if we think that their actions make us angry, we’ll blame them for what we feel. Hence, we are not actually in control of our emotion, and by default we cannot change that which we have no control over.

What we need to understand is that another person can be a “stimulus” for our feelings, but it’s never a cause.

Therefore, instead of blaming others, look inside ourselves to identify which of our needs isn’t being met and as best to our capacity, change it.


Anger can misdirect your energy. We become angry or violent when we believe others are causing our pain and should be punished.

Stop and take a breath !

Remember, when we get angry and need to express it, stop and take a breath. Simple tips which we can easily remember, since anger make it a bit harder to rationally think.

Look inward for thoughts that are judgments.

Identify the unmet needs that underlie these judgments.

Express what you feel and need.

Most of the time, if you want someone to listen to us, we would need to listen to him or her first and empathize actively. When we hear what someone else is feeling, we can recognize the humanity you share. So, stop being so selfish.

“The clearer we are about what we want, the more likely it is that we’ll get it.”

“Making requests in clear, positive, concrete action language reveals what we really want.”

So, that’s it. Easy, right?


Categories: Personal Development, Reading Notes

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: