My reading note on a book by Marshall B. Rosenberg, entitled Nonviolent Communication .
It’s explains how we can express our needs and feelings in ways that promote respectful, emphatic interpersonal connections. Rosenberg address “Nonviolent or compassionate communication (NVC)”.
Some key notes from the book
- Dysfunctional relationships, misunderstandings and frustrations are usually a symptom of poor communications.
- “Nonviolent or compassionate communications (NVC)” is built on interpersonal connection, or as Rosenberg put it, ‘from the heart’.
- NVC has four components which includes “observations, feelings, needs, and requests.”
- To practice NVC, learn to observe without judgement or evaluation.
- Express our needs. Well, in my opinion it’s easier said that done. We are typically afraid or scared of others POV , or Point of View. We are afraid of being judge. or at least I am. However, we need to understand that outside forces might stimulate feelings, but they aren’t the cause. Our feelings truly come from our needs.
- If we think other people’s actions made us feel angry, we’ll blame them for our feelings. What I’ve come to learn is that, we have no control over others, regardless how close we are to them, therefore, it is really pointless to be upset about something that we have no control. But, our mind doesn’t work like that. Because it’s easier to put the blame on others rather than ourselves. It’s ease the burden of change from us. Why change ourselves when it’s not our fault, right? Therefore, we need to keep this in mind, and like our physical muscle, it would required exercise and efforts, as well as time to master such skill.
- Know thy-selves. Before anyone else can value our needs, we must first acknowledge and value them.
- When we make a request, express our needs and feelings, but do not make demands. People rarely responds well to demands. Ask listeners to confirm they heard what we intended. Make sure there’s no miscommunications. Because when we express our needs, it makes us truly, vulnerable.
- Apply nonviolent communication practices to deal with your emotions.
- In resolving conflicts, replace the phrase “I have to” with “I choose to.” Why? Because language matters. I believe that we changed our personal narrative when we choose to change the language style from “I have to” to “I choose to”, which in turn give us more sense of control and ownership of the situation.
Awesome read, you guys should consider getting a copy of the book.